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They say it’s a thin line between love and hate. More like a fresh shaved kitten’s whisker thin. So, I’m 35 now, at that age where you really see and feel the impact of broken relationships and divorce. This of course got me to thinking. Romantic relationships, dating, and marriage are the most volatile relationships one can have. Just the beginning of most relationships gives credence to their volatility. Most of our relationships start from a singular moment that draws our attention. That singular moment creates such a want-based emotion that it crosses into a need rapidly. As a man, you see a woman and her physical presence draws you in. Quickly I may add. While I can’t speak for women, I have been told by many that there is usually one attribute in a man that attracts a woman at that same moment. Possibly a smell, a joke, a laugh, or the way his jeans slightly match his shoes. When you think of all other relationships you have in your life, romantic relationships have the least amount of natural progression allowable. What does that mean? As a child you develop a natural relationship with your parents and siblings. Child hood friends develop from similar interests. Let’s be honest, a lot of romantic relationships start with very few common likes or interests. Just the make-up of men and women is vastly different. I think of my own marriage. Most of our common likes and interests were developed over time. We didn’t begin with a lot.
Whenever I speak with kids, I always emphasize that time is our most precious commodity. Once it’s gone you never get it back. Time is also a volatile commodity when the value of it fluctuates between partners. One of the more intriguing things I hear is when someone says, “Be patient, the right one is out there for you”. The statement is intriguing because it’s very true but also counterintuitive in many ways. Ok, so lets just be 103% real. Womens time and mens time minds well be two broken clocks at 12am and 12pm. From a maturity standpoint, physical standpoint, emotional standpoint, and mental standpoint our view of time is vastly different. A woman knows that her clock begins ticking YEARS before men do. Rather you believe that to be a fact or not is irrelevant. Perception here is the reality. You see so many relationships that end and one party will say, “the timing just wasn’t right”. There are many reasons why some accelerate the timing of finding a significant other. I blame society myself. One of the worst questions a person can ask is “when are you going to have kids”. They ask this question like the population is the walking dead and you own the key to the world’s salvation. Between family and friends, religious beliefs, and keeping up with the Williams (I say Williams instead of Jones. I know quite a few poor ass Jones. If you are a well-off Jones, my apologies). I also believe this affects women more disproportionately because of their biological clock in terms of giving birth. In a true twist of fate, women control the key to the worlds salvation but have a ‘shot clock’ timer to do it. One of life’s gray area balances. Anyways, time honestly is the thin line between love and lust, hatred and happiness, longevity or loneliness.
So how long is it before your significant other starts liking fantasy football? How long before he likes watching Lifetime movies? How long before she starts accepting that that toilet seat is gonna be up? I was reading statistics on divorce and most divorces end within the first 8 years, with the first 5 years being very high risk. So, this goes back to my original point regarding the natural progression of relationships. Think about this statement, “If the love you have for your significant other reaches its peak on your wedding day, your marriage is likely doomed”. Like any relationship, marriage and commitment to a significant other requires time to marinate. To strengthen. To bond and grow. Unlike other relationships though, a marriage isn’t afforded the same liberal usage of time as other relationships. It has artificial and natural mitigating factors that create a gray area around our view of time. Think about this, how many people have you met within the last 2 years outside of a marriage partner that you feel as strongly about now and have a healthier relationship with now. Now make that number 5 years. 10 years. 20 years plus. The more years you add the higher the number of relationships you will have that fit this criterion. Therein lies the issue. Deciding to marry someone is more than likely the most important personal decision you will make regarding your relationship with another person excluding having kids. The importance of this decision would in theory indicate more time to make the best decision. As stated before, in terms of relationships, time is not a commodity given in large quantities.
It’s always a sad situation to see a romantic relationship or marriage not work. Not only because you lose that person in your life, it tends to have a trickle-down effect to your next relationship. I had a friend pose a question on Facebook. She asked why people jump directly into a new relationship after one ends. It’s a fair question. The reason I bring this up is the effect that time has on us leaving a relationship and beginning a new one. How long should one stay? How long should one take to start something new? I wonder how many quality relationships have been passed up because a person wanted to give themselves more time after a break-up? Vice versa, how many shit relationships have transpired because someone rushed into a relationship too soon? What makes time and relationships so deep in the gray is the fact that we rarely let time play out naturally. We manipulate, constrict, and try to expand time. Time waits for no one. The clock never stops ticking. I remember a wise woman I hold close to my heart saying, “I’d rather have minutes of joy rather than hours of sorrow”. It’s scary because love can be in a gray cloud. We don’t know if we are walking deeper into a storm or walking towards the sun shining. I guess there is a thicker line between success and sorrow when chasing love in the gray.