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Who here has lurked on someone’s Instagram or Facebook late at night and then found yourself on picture number 2,147 while the sun is coming up? It always starts as something honest. You find yourself looking at a funny video or some cute baby pictures. Then you see a familiar face and you decide to look at their profile. Next thing you know, you’re looking at posts from when he or she was in high school and you both graduated the same year….18 years ago! It’s crazy because we all have social media ‘friends’ that we don’t even know personally. I find myself seeing certain people and questioning how I even know them. This is another trap to get you down not the timeline bunny hole. With that said, nothing stands out more than relationship guy or girl. This person showcases their entire relationship journey on social media and they probably don’t even realize it.
I knew this one girl I was friends with. She loved posting everything relationship wise on Facebook and Instagram. After her and her boyfriend broke up, I paid extra close attention to her social media. I was bored and somewhat of a social media behind the scenes stalker. Additionally, I was newly single and looking to mingle. Yep, I was the guy who would anonymously creep on your page and never comment or like anything. I would lurk in the shadows and wait for an opportunity to strike and hopefully get one last fling in. I remember things being shaky with her and her boyfriend because she started posting the usual coded messages, she started posting scriptures, and she started following and sharing relationship advice. Newsflash people, anyone with common sense and awareness can decipher when your relationship is on the rocks based on social media. What a lot of people don’t realize is social media creates patterns of behavior many of us don’t realize we display. From post topics to timing, all of that is patterned data that many people can easily diagnose and follow. Anyway, enough geek talk. Based on her pattern of behavior, I knew things were rocky. I started to occasionally like some of her pictures. That then led to me commenting on a few of her posts and pictures. I never crossed the line because I knew she was still in a relationship but based off her social media posting content, I could tell her boyfriend was neglecting her and they were on their way to being done. I just sat back and let him do all the work and made myself visible. Here are the mistakes people make on social media, “they jump in the DMs to quickly”. Patience was my key.
While I knew they were on their way out based on her social media, I made sure to be active just enough beforehand so that she didn’t think I was just talking to her when she became single. After a few weeks she sent me a direct message asking me how everything was going. We had a cordial conversation and I asked simple questions that led to such dynamic answers. It was during the holidays and I asked her, “how are you enjoying the holiday season”. This led to a long conversation about how she was kind of down and depressed. I then tell her, “maybe you and your boyfriend need to take a vacation just the two of you and enjoy some alone time and connect”. I feel bad now because I was simply telling her what she wanted to here. What she didn’t realize is she was giving the blueprint to her wants and needs by what she was posting on Facebook. She was providing the cheat codes and I was simply inputting the data. So, after a few days of messaging her, she finally came out and told me directly that she was leaving her boyfriend. I remember her telling me, “you have all the answers for my situation, how come he doesn’t have any of these answers”? I then asked her, “when is the last time you talked about this with him”? Surprisingly, she told me she hadn’t had this conversation with him and that she believes he just doesn’t get it. This had me perplexed because at that moment I kind of felt bad for him. I asked her if he had Facebook and she said no. She was literally communicating her problems to the world and the most important person to hear that message didn’t get it.
Me and her talked and went out a few times. After a few dates I realized, “I can see why you’re single”. She was always on her phone taking selfies and sharing them on Facebook and Instagram constantly. She is one of the reasons I block social media tags that include me. The thought of living my life for a world of people I hardly ever interact with seems strange to me. Then again, I’m writing a blog to an audience of people I don’t even know. Guess that’s the definition of pot meets kettle. Anyways, relationships and social media leads to relationship dynamics that can be explosive.
What’s up with people being friends with their exes on social media? I can’t say if its right or wrong, but would you remove a ex as a friend if your significant other asked you to? Some would say, their significant other should trust them enough not to ask that. Fair point. Others might say, why let an ex be a point of contention in your current relationship? I have always thought an ex cost you one relationship, never allow them to cost you a second one. Then again, I’ve never been great friends with my exes after we broke up, so it was never an issue with me. Who out there shares social media accounts with their significant other? If you do you are likely a cornball but sometimes cornballs make the best relationships especially if it’s two cornballs together. I’ve always found it interesting when people break up, a familiar path follows on social media. They usually start with a silent period. They remove themselves from social media for a while. Then they go into the self-help phase. They start working out, change their style and dress, get a new fresh haircut. This phase is very interesting because I always wonder, why do you wait until you are single to start bettering yourself physically? Perhaps that’s a reason why you might be sin…. never mind. The next phase is the self-awareness phase. This is when they usually find Jesus. The bible quotes come in hot and heavy. The so-called social media relationship experts get a heavy amount of page shares and likes during this time. This is when they realize they don’t need a significant other. Perhaps thinking you needed someone to begin with led to…not going to go there now. The next phase generally is where thing tend to veer off. After all, you have totally put yourself out there. You mission is accomplished. You have gotten the attention you socially needed. Social Needia. Hmm, think I like that term. I shall coin it. Anyways, at this stage you likely are dating someone else or realized that something about you is not desirable and hopefully you have decided to work on that internally. Finally, you have the angry and bitter social needia. This person hasn’t found anyone, doesn’t see anything wrong about them personally, and they want the entire world to know about it. This person has become the single relationship guru. This person is likely bitter at this point and they will tell you about it. As I sit here and type, I realize this person has become clouded in their view points. They are truly living in the gray with smashed and broken sunglasses. I wonder if they are the type to be up at 1am in the morning writing a blog…….